Do you know how disgusting fish food smells??? Do you know what it looks like when the reddish residue buries itself in the beautiful hand-woven rug I paid too much for when I used to have money before she was born?? Oh it's not pretty.
Well, I decided to rectify the situation once and for all. I shoved his head down into the pile of multi-colored flakes and rubbed his nose in it. OK I lie. BUT, that would have been a good idea, I'm thinking.
Seriously, what is wrong with me? Why do I continually leave my makeup bag on my counter within his reach so he can always suck on my mascara? Why do I leave the chef's knife a little too close to the edge of the cutting board where his wandering little pudgy fingers find it and start walking around with it?? Why don't I learn after the first time he finds the Febreeze on my husband's bathroom counter so he can spray it into his eyes and mouth (not that it ever phases him, but still - that can't be good for the guy)?
Oh I'm the suckiest parent alive. I swear I DO try to Prince-proof the house, but he's a tall toddler and can reach practically anything on any counter and is now able to foil our
Leave me those precious comments... tell me about your horror stories so I don't feel like I'm the only person who's dumb and should not be allowed to have a toddler. Or am I?
15 comments:
I have done SO many dumb things, I can't even remember them. I most likely have blocked them from my memory.
Moms are NOT perfect. We are human, we forget, we goof up, we do incredibly dumb things and kick ourselves afterwards.
Take care and be easy on yourself!!!!!!
I'm going with because you're human. But that's just me. My excuse... all the brain cells came out with the placenta, and those that didn't... leaked out in the breast milk.
My daughter colored with permanent BLACK sharpie on the front of the dresser that my (now deceased) grandfather MADE for my mom and she let us borrow. Feel better yet?
No.
Okay, the pearl and diamond earrings my husband gave me the night of our rehearsal dinner, I took them off in the bathroom and left them on the counter and my daughter flushed them. 2 years ago. He thinks I lost them.
SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh... we aren't talking about the earrings :-)
Thanks for the linky love, I'm completely reciprocating. I think you're a doll.
Okay Monica. We need to talk. Seriously, we need to exchange phone numbers today.
Stop it!
I am sitting down. Underneath me is a pile of fish flakes. I kid you not. Seriously. I am sitting above goldfish flakes and it smells!!!
So, stop it. Stop reading my mind. All. The. Time.
Seriously.
How is this possible?
I still can't get over this.
I smell fish flakes.
Okay, rofl! Seriously, I puffy heart you! You're precious!!!
Why do all the bloggers I adore live so dang far away?
No fun bloggy playdates for me. ;-(
Yes, come with.
I could always use an extra hand. My Lola is a hand full.
My email is classychaos@gmail dot com but I really need to finish packing. Damm, you internet!
We can resume are BBF relationship in 10 days.
*cracks knuckles*
Promise not to tell on me? OK, here goes;
The other day, i put the evil 2 year old in the tub to happy her up and then a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I ran down to get it and it was my landlord. She is having new carpets and walls put in after a rather interesting night with a water pipe and the basement, and she was over to look at carpet samples. She's been out of town for a while, so we got all caught up on the blahdadee-blahs, you know? And then, like 20 minutes later, I heard a scream. A little scream. A TODDLER scream. i totally did head check, "1, 2, um,, where's 3?"
TUB. Shit. TUB.
I go running up there and there is poop all over the tub, all over her, all over the side of the tub and all over the toilet. Her brother (9) told me that he saw her trying to climb on to potty, screaming.
I left. My toddler. In the tub. Alone. During potty training. At poop time.
I hope you feel better now. I also hope we can still be friends. I'll totally understand if you never ask me to babsit, though.
Uh kay. You do make me feel better. Oh so funny. You make me laugh. Love it. See my 100-list - I LOVE people who make me laugh. I only like them, in fact, so I'd prolly ask you to babysit for me just so we could crack up at the stories later.
Honey~take a deep breath. I had 2 male toddlers at once and I can completely relate. Even when you're super careful they find trouble. Give yourself a break. Have a nice and calm weekend. Hugs.
I would make you a list of all of the things my toddler/I have spilled just this week, but it would be too long and you would grow tired of it! Instead, I'll just tell you that I enjoyed my visit here and I'll be back! :)
Oh my - where to begin?
Well, there was particularly abhorrent week when...
1. I awoke to two strange women banging on my door, holding The Bella's hand because she had wandered off after she woke up to 'find her daddy' who had went to the grocery store. What's so bad about that? We live beside a LAKE. She was @ the edge of it, in real redneck fashion: A pullup and bedroom shoes.
2. I lost a butcher's knife. It was found later, but I lost it, which is horrible.
3. I almost set the kitchen on fire by getting distracted by the computer [what else?] and leaving oil to heat for too long. My kitchen walls and cabinets are still scorched and blackened because I haven't had the nerve to tell our landlord yet.
See? We all do it. We're human. We make mistakes,we do dumb shit, and those who blame us for not being 'the consummate mother' are either a.) mothers to infants who have no experience or b.) have no children of their own. I'm not counting the ones who's kids are probably raised by siblings or nannies because they don't count. *lol*
Anyway, don't beat yourself up too badly. I will say that the fact that you are blaming yourself for mishaps rather than your little boy is a sure sign that you are a wondrous mother. I'd only be worried if you blamed solely him. :D
Maria
i left a bottle of windex on the bathroom counter once..er...one thousand times...and my son, who was 2...decided that he should taste it. well, i had a big conversation with poison control. after finding out what a sh.theel mom, i really am...i found out that it takes a lot of windex to really make a kid sick. btw...i agree with rachel...the more kids you push out, the less brain cells you have!!!
I had the nerve to take my eyes off of a then two year old Boy-Child#2 who is part monkey. He would climb anything. This particular time it was the outside of the stair railing and he made it to the top and was maneuvering to the top of the bookcase. Me? I was reading. That's the only one I can think of right now. I've blocked any others from memory. Oh, and any swear words my kids know they learned from mom. One time? I was trying to wrangle a big fancy cake into my fridge and it wouldn't, so I cursed it by saying "give me an effing break" with Boy-Child#1 standing behind me. Who repeated it. Verbatim. Mr. Farklepants threatened to tell my mommy.
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