What, You Didn't Know I'm a Fish Midwife?

Well, I didn't either, until last night. I've realized (much to my dismay) that there's LITERALLY something in E's (fishtank) water that is making the fish go crazy with reproductive activity, thus, we had the 5th round of babies we've had in 3 months last night. AND another one of the fish is about to pop any day now.

Now, let me back up for those of you who don't know this RIDICULOUS story... E's fish (Puppy & Puppy - the 2 Dalmatian Mollies that got knocked up at the same time - and they look alike - Dida, Marlin, Nemo, Dory, Sticky -- the Plocastamus -- and Annie. Now a few months back, One of the Puppies had babies - which I have had tanks my whole life and have never ever had fish that got pregnant (twice in 6 weeks), so I thought this was ultra cool. I got this tank net/divider to keep the babies in, so they wouldn't be eaten by the adults and then we kept one (Scooter) and gave away quite a few. THEN, Puppy, Dida, Annie and Scooter died while we were on vacation (something weird happened with all those babies peeing in the water... way too long of a story and surprisingly, this is turning out to be too long too, but I digress... The problem was, my mom, who was housesitting when they died (also a funny story that I'll save for another time), bought us another Puppy (actually two more - thus Puppy and Puppy) and a Dida and an Annie.

All was well - no more babies and new fish. Joy. Then, I started thinking Annie looked suspiciously pregnant - turns out ... she was. Right from the store. So, she had a few babies, and I thought that was it - that's pretty crazy to have 3 rounds of babies by different fish in such a short time. I was so tired of catching all those babies (with my kitchen seive, by the way, since I couldn't find my net) and all that goes with so many babies. Then one of the Puppies had a litter of fry (did you know that's what they're called??) - we managed to keep one, which is currently in the baby net.

So, the past few days, I've been thinking both Puppies look pretty fat... and last night when I was sneaking into E's room to turn off the fish light after she fell asleep I actually SAW Puppy having babies! After I noticed about 5 babies floating at the top of the tank. So I caught them, and was a little aggravated, but I guess I could find homes for 5 more fish. But they seemed to be everywhere - like they were coming out of the woodwork and I was wondering if I looked very hard at the beginning to find them... so 35 baby fish later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... I'm talking to myself, thinking what the FLIP is going on??? Fish don't have this many babies and here I am chasing them around (with the kitchen tool) while Eden's sleeping trying to save them from the inevitable sure death if they're not separated from the adults. What EVER will I do with trillions of fish? I seriously considered 'accidentally' tipping the net to let them out and letting nature take it's course... we shall see... I still may. Am I horrible? Anyone want a fish? Or 10?

Sporks are good for more than coleslaw.

Well, I tried making a link to this picture, but I have to say, I feel like such a dummy for not knowing how to do that .. anyhow, here's that picture I was referring to in my profile... The question was: "Oops - your tongue is now a magnet - whatever will you use for silverware?" My answer: "A plastic spork from KFC... especially after seeing THIS in an email..." UGH - poor sweet guy! I hope he's better. I guess you really shouldn't run with sharp things...

My Drunk 3-Year Old

Yes, I said drunk. Not on alcohol, but we've discovered that when this wee one gets a dose a sugar in her veins, she literally becomes intoxicated by it. It all started a year ago when we took her trick-or-treating for Halloween when she was 2 and a half. We have never given her much on the sweets side so didn't give her more than one piece of chocolate that night, and put the bag of candy up on our buffet for the night after we tucked her in.

Meanwhile, I'm chatting with my husband in the office and about 20 minutes after we put E to bed, she comes bobbling in to us sputtering something about dinosaurs and her face was covered in brown (this was our first clue)... She managed to somehow sneak out of bed, vault the kitchen table to the buffet to get to the bag of candy and all the pieces of chocolate wrappers were there (licked clean), but alas, the chocolate was gone. She was in some kind of chocolate-induced delirium and was mumbling all sorts of incohesive thoughts, but was more than happy to show us her pile - she was like 'hey! look what I found! I bet you guys didn't know THIS was here! Want some? It'll make you see funny pictures of dinosaurs dancing around the kitchen!"

I think every child has some kind of Halloween candy-related story, so I didn't think much else of it, until she went to her first 'big-girl' birthday party the other night where she apparently had cake, ice cream and POP!?! She came home and I quite literally felt like I was experiencing the first "Mom drags home drunk teenager and holds her hair back, then puts her to bed" episode... except E's 3. She was again mumbling something or other and then would look at me with an ear-to-ear smile, throw her arms around my neck (while she's on the toilet, I might add) and say "I had too much sweets... I love you mommy. I love chocolate too. Want to sing?" Then she'd start laughing hysterically. Then she was crying. And then she did some super-human monkey-like freak show maneuver where she physically climbed up the bathroom door by merely hoisting herself on the door handles. Seriously.

This year, I'm going to be the mom everybody hates on Halloween and I'll make some kind of unbuttered popcorn balls that magically stick together, or something like edamame suckers to hand out and insist my kids throw away "all that sugary junk." Well... perhaps I'll still sort through it and pick out the Reese's and the Butterfingers for myself...

Dialogue of a 3-Year Old

Part of what keeps me sane is hearing the crazy, funny, strange things that The Princess ("E") says sometimes. She's a very articulate little one with lots of inflection and expression in her words - so it's particularly funny to me to hear some of the things she comes up with. I can only think of a few right now - but I'll be updating this particular entry as I hear or remember more. Keep in mind "Prince" is her almost-2-year-old brother, and "Bodhi" is our grumpy old dog.

Silly things my 3-year old has said:

1. (E's on the potty, her brother walks into the bathroom) "Let me close the door so I can have some privacy with you."

2. (Mommy): "What are you drawing, honey?" (E): "Oh it's just a picture of Bodhi's blood." (Mommy... hmmm....) Not sure what to think of that one!

3. (E): "I wonder why there is black on my pink hairdryer." (Mommy.... not really paying attention at this point) (E): "Maybe it's because The Prince put it in the candle." Indeed... he did.

4. (E responding to my statement that she can't hold Esther, the hamster): "But honey - I'll just hold her and love her and squeeze her. I won't drop her. It's OK - I can do it."

5. (E's on the potty and her brother walks in the bathroom - again)... "Hi Prince. Welcome!"

6. (A NEW ONE): Mommy - why don't we have a slide in our backyard? That's just uncorrectable!"