Lists, Oh Lovely Lists

To quote my friend Angie "I lurves me a list," but can never seem to finish one (child-induced A.D.D. you think?), so I'll just combine a few lists that have been filling my head... perhaps you can finish them for me.

Top Three 10 things Every New Mom Needs to Buy:

10. Kleenex. You will cry at every sappy commercial and weep at every sad story about a child and even baby animals. Always. AND you'll never want to collect the spew of boogs for lack of planning on your part (see #'s 9 & 8 below this list).

9. Depends undergarments. If you're like me, you will pee your pants every time you give a big cough or jump up and down in Turbo Kick Boxing. Yes, the labor is a one-time thing that doesn't last, but the sweet reward that will last you a life-time is the incontinence. I remember fully peeing my pants while I was 7 months pregnant with E while I was waiting for ice cream at Cold Stone and sneezed, but at least I had an excuse - I actually had a 6-pound ball of linugo-covered kid punching my bladder. Now, I've got nothing but a sad, sad reality check every time I think I'm hot stuff and do some karate kick while exercising.

8. A Dust Buster hand-vac. I just bought one of these precious, precious appliances and will be putting it in my will - that's how valuable this thing is. The things I've cleaned up with this ingenious little life-saver: entire can of fish food (on 2 different occasions), goldfish in every imaginable place (the edible kind - not living, although if I were a betting woman, I'd put money on that coming down the pipeline), dried vomit, live spiders I'm too afraid of getting near for fear of them using supernatural jumping abilities and leaping to my hair and getting caught in it and making its home there - laying eggs in my scalp and then me dying like that woman with the 'beehive' hairdo did from the black widow eggs (anyone remember that tale?)

Other lists: Top Five 10 Things I Never Thought I'd Say:

10. "Stop licking the wall."

9. "Here - we're out of kleenex in the car - use my hand."

8. "Don't spit it on the floor - use my hand." (only in public places, mind you)

7. "Oh my gosh I sound exactly like my mother!" oh the horror.

6. "OK honey, tell me EXACTLY what the baby's poop looked like..."


Well, that's about all I've got this morning. Let's hear your best.