Cleanse Follow-up. One month later.

So, I didn't post every day of my 8-day cleanse. Shoot me. Here's what happened in a nutshell... I made it 4.75 days without eating a single thing (yay me!) - was really in a pretty good mood the entire time, much to my surprise. The last day you're supposed to feel better than ever and the beginning days people typically feel tired, cruddy, headachy - none of which I felt. However, my last day I couldn't get out of bed and felt so horrible I couldn't move. I had this amazing urge to sob, which I did, and was shaky and lifeless. So I guess that my 'deep cleanse' reaction came at the end, which kind of stinks since I was really looking for that super high as a perk for doing it, which I never got. So I ended up eating a sliver of canteloupe that morning and started feeling a bit better - then went the rest of the day without eating and had dinner.

My overall feeling about it - I would do it again! It was hard - but do-able since husband really helped out with feeding the kids at night, which was the hardest/most tempting part. I developed a superhero sense of smell while I was on it - could literally smell food a mile away, which was like being pregnant x 100. I'm not sure I feel any different after doing it, but I was able to lose a little weight, and I now can say I have some will power, which I'm pretty happy about. OK, boring post done.

The Cleanse. Day 1.

I have decided to get a happy colon and do an 8-day cleanse with a 5 day liquids-only fast. Crazy much? Yep. Why???? You ask. Well, because a) I don't have an unhappy colon, but a healthy (aka cleaned out) colon is essential to some body stuff, and I'm all about ridding my body of toxins, and b) because I ADORE eating and could quite possibly eat a small child should they get in my way of dinner, and c) because I need to lose 10 pounds and due to reason (b) I have trouble reducing my portion sizes to allow me to drop said weight and figured this would be the perfect way to do that, and d) because I'd really like to prove to myself I'm as strong as my friend Melissa who has done this twice already.

Is it just me or do you ever feel entirely wimpish around people who have the strength of Jesus during his 40 days in the desert? Like I have a friend who regularly runs full marathons, am I'm all "huh. I attempted to run a marathon in high school (without training one single day) and made it 7 miles and literally felt like my calves were hack-sawed in half for about a month. Granted - that was due to sheer stupidity - not my will power, but still. I could have actually had the willpower to train consistently.

Another example - after 15 hours of labor without feeling much of anything contraction-wise, they turned my petocin up to full volume and one contraction sent me over the edge and I was practically french-kissing the anesthesiologist as he walked in the room with my epidural. I have many friends who suffered through natural child birth without hesitation.

So, you see, I'm trying to develop more discipline in my life and with that comes development of self-control.

Anyhow. So I'm here today. My ritual the past 3 days has been to reduce portions by 25% each day. Fine. Done. No prob. Then today I started the fast. I drink this sand with juice Toxin Absorber with apple juice 5x a day. I've been irritable and my mind has been playing some serious games with my determination. But I think I've already lost about 2 pounds. And I called my friend Melissa and she kicked my a@$ back in shape to finish this thing out.

So, I'll be blogging about my experience each day until I quit - I mean finish the 5 days. Ugh. God help me.

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! IT'S THE ATTACK OF THE BRIDAL HEADPIECES!!!

Some of you may know that I work in the wedding industry. And those of us in this industry musn't take ourselves too seriously, now shall we? While doing my due-diligence in trend-spotting and the latest fashion research, I came across these runway photos from a very talented Haute Couture designer, who shall remain nameless because I don't want him tracking me down and killing me. However, the photos from this fashion show just crack me up.

PLANNER TIP: If you're a bride & were trying to be chic and trend-setting by having an unusual headpiece to add to your bridal attire and wanted ... say... oh I don't know... maybe a clipper ship on your head? Sorry - think again. It's been done. Unfortunately.

Check out these unique headpieces ... I'd guess by the looks on the models' faces, they're real peachy to try to hold up with the mere strength of one's neck.

I'm thinking this next one is some sort of saxophone with a dive-bombing airplane, but any of your guesses would be ultra helpful...

Your standard guitar on the head... ugh - so overdone these days.

Goodness gracious, someone help this woman! Her ruffles are eating her face off!

Enough of the headpieces, let's discuss the next hot hair trend... rosehawks. That's right. You've heard of mohawks and fauxhawks, but now there's something better for your special day!

Kids, hold on to your hats because here comes Sesame Street's very own... Big Bird's Bride!

And now we bring you a very special look at what can happen when you try to plan your own wedding. This is your brain. This is your brain on blueberries. (Doesn't she look like she's having the most wonderful day of her life??)

Just so you all know, I truly truly mean no harm or attack on this amazing designer. I respect his work and am just having a little fun! (But between you and me, I do wonder what malicious woman broke his heart and ripped it to shreds to make him take it out on these poor models.) Just sayin.

Pshaw. No I don't.

Whenever I complain about my husband's snoring, he always comes at me with "well, so do you!" and I'm all "psht. whatever. puh-lease." I mean, everyone in my family knows there's NUTHing that can compare to the sonic booms that come out of my 94-year old grandma's mouth when she snores, but I. Do. Not. Snore. I may drool, but I don't snore.

Buuuuut, then something happened. After many sleepless nights reading about my very dangerous and pale lover, Edward Cullen, I fell immediately asleep last night - mouth wide open, dead tired. And I remember subconsciously that my body started doing something - that I was doing something that felt very ... good, shall we say? (one eye brow seductively raised) And that it was lulling me to sleep. It was almost hypnotic (mmmm.... yesssssss, drumming fingers together), whatever it was that I was doing.

So then, I woke up and my husband tells me, without missing a beat, that I was snoring. And as I was rolling over telling him I don't do that sort of thing, I realized, hmmm... while I have NEVER done this before, I was indeed snoring. And it drew a strange sense of comfort to me. Hard to describe. And I think I might try it again. I kinda like it (mwahahahaha!)

An Unusual Pen

"Mommy, is this a pen?" he kept asking me as I was typing. After much pressing, I finally looked over to see what pen he was referring to. This is what I saw.

He found it in my purse, unwrapped it and promptly thought it was a writing utensil. While I was sharing my dismay with his father, his daddy proceeded to tell me about how it was funny that when he was about 7 or 8, he would find the USED applicators from his mom in the trash and ask himself, "why would anyone throw these away? They're so cool!" and proceed to play with them.

There's so many reasons I'm afraid of the phrase "Like Father, Like Son."

Different Shades of Mommica

OHMommy had this idea first. I'm taking it to another level. I'm allowing you into my past to see private photos of me - some of which people have never seen before. What can I say? I'm a private person. Don't judge me. Just appreciate me - I'm like a diamond with many facets, or is that faucets? Anyhow, enjoy.

My 'shy look'...


My bookish days...

My first Halloween with my soon-to-be husband...


Oops! My husband caught me just as I had gotten ready for bed...


And finally - this is my natural color... and yes, they're real. Stop staring.

So, you see - this is the real me. I'm laying my true self out there for all of you to see. I hope you'll still love me just the same.

Happy 3rd Birthday, My Sweet Prince

Three years ago today, you, my sweet baby Prince, were born. One of mommy's wisest, best friends, Heidi (who you'll have to wait to meet again in Heaven someday), always told me that 'there was something so incredible, and sweet and tender about a relationship between a mom and her son.' I never believed her, as I was enjoying raising this dainty girly-girl you know as your sister, and I was having a hard time figuring out how I would ever potty train a boy or deal with the bugs and dirt and gross stuff. But, she.was.right. The moment you arrived, there was something so much more helpless or dependent about you - and fragile - not physically - but emotionally. It's hard to describe - but you needed me as your mommy more in a way I understood only in my heart. And suddenly I realized that Heidi was on to something. It was if my heart started melting all over yours, covering it with a lifetime of the most intense adoring for you, and I knew I'd eventually be powerless to your smile and hugs and kisses.

You, my beautiful son, are the most darling, brightest light to me. Your energy is boundless and your belly laughs are completely contagious. You draw people to you that make them say to me "he's my favorite of all the little boys I know." You are Passionate with a capital 'P'. You're affectionate and love to invade people's personal space so you can get right up to them and let them know you LIKE them! You have a fantastic singing voice and a natural bend toward music. You have a special fondness for anything lawn-tool-related and I can tell that you want to be just exactly like your Daddy.

You still put absolutely everything in your mouth and I'm pretty sure you always will. You sweet talk your way out of a serious conversation already and you just want to make people laugh. Your propensity for getting into mischief overwhelms me and your talent for disassembling anything wow's me. Your gag reflex is laughably sensitive. You can throw a tantrum like no other. You do this hilarious thing when you're being 'cute' where you partially close your eyes and mumble "sumasumasuma" with a grin on your face. You say your "R's" like "OWs" and I LOVE it. I cannot count for you all the hundreds of times people have been stopped in their tracks just to get a look at your seriously long eye lashes. You love coffee so much that you will go to great lengths to steal mine, and ask me daily just to smell it.

And I cannot describe how much or how deeply I love your sweet face and your huge heart. You, my Prince, are beyond special. Happy birthday, Love. -Mommy