Noodles in my water

Well, today started off good enough. Took E to preschool (see cute pic of her vacuuming).


















But then, the typical day ensued... The Prince spilled my entire chocolate protein shake in my bathroom sink, after he drank just enough to get his face covered in brown (yep, he's adorning his sister's headband and just one croc).

And, of course later I found him sneaking out of my bathroom with my mascara again, holding it like a "bolly-bop" (aka lollipop) and this time, instead of just inside his entire mouth, the black-as-tar-ness is all over his eyes and cheeks too. He looked so pretty.


So then, during dinner tonight, here's what our 4-participant "conversation" looked like:

-husband: "I was trying to script my website to modify the layout of the stage..." (I stop listening because I'm flicking The Prince for squeezing his pasta noodles instead of eating them)...

husband: "...retarget every path in the whole thing blah blah blah..." (me: giving E a warning to eat her food instead of using the wrong end of the fork to scoop it into her mouth)

husband: "...old scripts being incompatible with new scripts ... (me blanking out at this point, eyes rolling back in the head)...

E: "Mommy! Look! A "Q"! (her noodle on the table)

husband: "...figured out a way so I didn't have to do new scripts, isn't that great babe?..."

The Prince: (still squeezing his noodles, reloading, squeezing...) "Mama - beh-yee!" (looking down at his belly laughing "heh heh heh", now proceeding to put noodles in his hair.) His food often ends up in his hair, for whatever reason. It's just his thing. (me: curling up, making a clicking sound and rocking slowly in my chair thinking 'happy place, happy place')

So now, it's bed time and I'm filling my glass of water and go to drink it up, and hesitate slightly, realizing there's something odd and long and 'snakey' in my water. Yep - it's a noodle. I'd imagine it's a present from The Prince. He always knows just what to give me.

Here's to bedtime in ... 8...7...6... I'm done.
But wait... I go to tuck E in - she asks me to sleep with her for a few minutes, which I always do ... so I crawl into the toddler bed that's not supposed to hold more than 100 pounds (no problem!) then we're cuddling and I'm smelling her clean hair and skin and closing my eyes, and she turns and gives me an eskimo kiss on my nose and I melt, realizing... who needs a plain old glass of water anyhow?

Yes, these are the sweetest days...

I'm an official member of the "Lazy Moms" club.

Yes, it's true - I've become unhealthily addicted to blogging and no doubt, it's likely to bring about my demise as a respectable human being in the near future. This morning, as I was avoiding cleaning the kitchen like it was the plague (which for all I know, it could be a breeding ground for the plague - or West Nile, since my friend might have that - but i digress...) Anyhow, as I was saying - while doing nothing but reading others' blogs and trying to find funny people to entertain me, I managed across an 'ad' that immediately caught my attention - it was entitled "Join the Lazy Moms Wasting Time Club". The tag line is "Might as well do something while you're doing nothing." Wait - was someone watching me? How did they know all that about me? I was intrigued, so I clicked and immediately knew I had to become a member. And thus, I'm here - the first official member of the club. I'm so proud. Then I started cleaning my kitchen, realizing how pathetic I was. And now I'm BACK - writing again. Being lazy.

"That Man"

So, I have to say that I probably have a stranger husband than most (in a good way) ... but perhaps not. He does have an unusual sense of humor. Kids are either terrified of him (he's a rather large man - 6'5" - 220 with a deep voice) or they love him (he actually can attract a fair showing of the 'alternative lifestyle' men as well.) One sweet little one - the daughter of some friends of ours - overheard a group of us in her living room during a get-together, and she told her mommy as she was getting tucked in that she could hear "that man" again.

Anyhow - Husband likes to make sound effects (he's pretty good at them too - my favorites are the helicopter, horses running, and the famous "Puma" (I also do my own rendition of "Lady Puma".) Once, we visited friends in CO and went out to dinner to a fancy-shmancy restaurant (that happened to be empty except for one other couple)... anyhow, long story short, Husband was 'put up' to doing the Puma in the restaurant since our friends hadn't heard it. Now keep in mind, his sound effects are indeed realistic - for this particular one, he cups his hands around his mouth, takes a deep breath and makes the loudest, scariest animal sound that apparently resembles the fierce call of a Puma. Now, I'm not sure if that's true, not ever hearing a Puma roar myself, but it gets a laugh and so I like it. It's also been known to make small children run away... fast. But that's another story alltogether. Anyhow, so he actually decides to do the Puma (quite unexpected, since he's not one to take live requests, but this night he did, much to these unsuspecting people's surprise.) He gears up, there's silence in the room since there's literally no one in it but us, our friends and this one other couple sitting across the restaurant) :::cricket, cricket, cricket::: and he let's it rip... Our friends' eyes light up as they jump in their seats, however, I notice out of the corner of my laughing-so-hard-now-tearing-up-eye that this other couple in the restaurant just about hit the ceiling like a cat up on all it's claws with it's hair sticking up like it got electrocuted. Oh this was so funny to me. Then the guy goes "What the @#$% was THAT???" lol.... oh... funny stuff. Anyhow, after regaining our composure, we explain that the sound was only my husband, etc.

But really, he's pretty funny when he's not trying to be. Ladies, you know what I mean by 'trying to be', right? I mean when he purposely tries to be 'funny guy' - I call it putting on "The (insert husband's name) Show". Occasionally the (Insert Husband's Name) Show can be funny - I will give an obligatory laugh to perk him up, since it seems it's a large goal of his to make me laugh. His best odds are when I'm overtired (yes, it's a word - he always thought it was hilarious when I'd say "Oh the baby's just overtired"... he still thinks it's a made-up word.) Anyhow, when I'm too tired, I will laugh all day at his show - oh, the joy it gives him. And as much as I try to be impervious to the silliness and resist the urge to laugh at his shenanigans, when I'm tired, it's like trying to make a fist when you first wake up... impossible!

Anyhow, I thought my kids would give the most inspiration to my blogs, but frankly, I'm enjoying sharing stories about my betrothed as well. Over and out. -Lady Puma

The Joys of Motherhood

Oh the things children say and do. Being a mom is pretty hilarious. The things you hear and see in any given day are amazing, and often mind-boggling. Many of my experiences involve my children putting various things in their mouth (well, actually mostly just Finn) . For example, my almost-2-year-old son "The Prince" (dubbed "2-Foot Ball of Anger") has an affinity for sucking on the wand of my mascara. He'll often come out of sneaking into my bathroom and he'll have a black-as-tar mouth with some pretty black smudges sporadically placed on his little body... lovely.

The Prince also has a border-line obsession with wearing hats. Any hat will do - his hats, his sister's hats, things that look like hats. In fact, he will pick even the smallest of hats out of a picture or book and yell "AT!" (pronouncing "h's" is not in his repertoire yet).

I also find humor in the way my kids pronounce and use common words - for example, The Prince says "Caca" (for cracker - or really any food, for that matter). He also tends to call every adult male "Daddy". For some reason, this often bothers the Husband. Like when he and the Prince were in the grocery store and he pointed to a large African American man and said "Daddy!" My husband obliged the comment with "yes, honey, I'm sure he's somebody's daddy," to which the nice man replied "uh-huh."

The Prince also has a knack for seeking out and finding even the smallest of bugs in our house - most are dead, thankfully - and then he likes to bring them to me (a lot like a cat brings you their half-mangled kill to make you proud). I've had him bring roaches, spiders and general bugs that I don't think really have names - they're just called "Yuk" in our house. Now he's at least bringing them to me and saying "UK!" But, whatever - at least he knows how to throw them away by himself so I don't have to touch them.

I know I'm not the most-organized person when it comes to finding my personal belongings. Especially now that I have kids. I won't deny that in my past, I've lost many a retainer in strange places - at the bottom of a lake, for one -- after an attempt at waterskiing and swallowing entirely too much water. Another fun one... McDonald's garbage cans (yes, my mom made me dig through the bags and bags of trash in the dumpsters until I found the white napkin it was wrapped up in - but hey - at least I found it.) And sure, I've been known to leave my wallet on top of my car while getting gas, and drive off with it there. I was all upset and was ready to blame the 'unscrupulous people of the street' for stealing it after it fell off the top of my car, until I realized that the guy honking SO rudely behind me while I was pulling out of the gas station was actually trying to tell me I was forgetting something. Good thing I flipped him off (this was a long time ago - I would NEVER do that now ;) Oops. But, I'm telling you - it's not always my fault. For example, about a month ago, I couldn't find my makeup palatte - this is no small thing either - about the size of ... um... I don't know - like a 4 x 5 picture -- or just 4x5 (duh). It holds like 10 eye shadows and a couple of blushers. Anyhow, it's a big thing not easily lost in the disarray of my bathroom drawers. So, I can't find it for a day or so until I'm unloading the dishwasher and find it there - a present from Finn just waiting for me - a little more 'sponge-y' than it used to be, but surprisingly, all the eye shadows and blushes are in tact and still mostly usable. It's always important to know how dishwasher-safe your belongings are. Phew - good to know.